“When all foundations have been shaken and I’m left standing in the dark, and all I feel is my heart breaking, You still reign and you’re still God.
And when my enemies surround me, I’ll trust the victory of the cross
And fix my eyes upon you Jesus, for you are God and I am not.”
You still reign and you’re still God by Philippa Hanna https://youtu.be/UaRffZ606tM
Last night I was asked to submit a favourite song for our church ‘Songs of Praise’ and the reason I had chosen it. I have only recently heard ‘You still reign and you’re still God’ and yet the moment I heard the lyrics they spoke to me of the current pandemic and the way so many of us are feeling at the moment, with our very foundations of society shaken.
But not only does the song speak to me of today, it reminds me of three other occasions in my life when my foundations were shaken and all I have been left with is my utter dependence and faith in God to get me through.
The first was early in our marriage (relative after 34 years!), having easily given birth to two children, I then had two reasonably late miscarriages followed by two years of infertility. It was an extremely emotional and difficult time and I remember the heartache of seemingly constantly seeing so many pregnant women around me and my inability to converse with any of my expectant friends. The feelings were almost irrational and uncontrollable. It didn’t matter that I was already blessed with two beautiful, healthy children. Within me was the desire for another and a feeling of incompleteness in our family which I cannot easily explain. Indeed many of you may think me selfish and ungrateful, but sometimes we cannot control those deep feelings and emotions that overtake us. God was with me throughout but I am not sure I realised it at the time as my faith was much more fledgling than it is now and I was still too intent on sorting things for myself.
The second shaking occurred when R was involved in an horrific bicycle accident. Infact the medics thought he would not survive and if he did he would probably be incapacitated in all sorts of ways as he had injuries to his head, back and shoulder. We had 4 children at the time, the youngest still in nappies and we were totally blessed with R’s parents who looked after them all for the 8 weeks he was in hospital so that I could constantly be by his side to help nurse him back to health. God was my constant companion. From the moment of his accident and my powerlessness, I started a journal to God, writing all my thoughts and feelings and crying out for help. God answered by prayers abundantly, especially in the people who appeared at seemingly just the right moment to help us through. I firmly believe we are sent to the people God wants us to help and likewise people come into our lives who are sent to help us. Thankfully R has recovered amazingly well, but it was a long slow process. Probably a decade went by before I stopped looking at our life as ‘before’ or ‘after’ R’s accident. It reshaped us as a family and it definitely altered my priorities as to what I think is important.
The third shaking happened shortly after our eldest daughter H started her final year of ‘A’ levels. She took to her bed exhausted, in pain and didn’t have energy enough to get up for over 8 weeks. This was the start of many years of anxiety for me as a mother just not knowing what was wrong with her and no doctors able to give satisfactory answers. It put a tremendous strain on us as a family and R and I as a couple. Again reliance on God was paramount to my not losing my sanity and over coming my fears in regard to H’s health. A couple of years ago a gastroenterologist from Kings hospital, London, diagnosed H with dysbiosis, over production of gas formation in the gut, that leads to all sorts of absorption problems and pain. Thankfully he has been able to help her, through diet, to much improved health. Again God has helped me through some worrying times.
We all face difficulties. Life is not a bowl of cherries but I firmly believe God wants us to walk closely with him through our suffering, whatever it may be and equip us to face what we have to in life. Indeed without depending on God I am not sure I would have had the strength to face some of the challenges and alter my attitude towards them so that I was able to see the positives out of the negatives and thus move forward.
The Lord said “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12. 9-10
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