SELFLESSNESS

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

John 15 v13

It seems to me that we live in a society where we are encouraged to put our own needs first which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but perhaps we have the balance slightly out of kilter, so that we have developed a ‘me’ culture,  where ‘my needs must be met’ in order for me to be fulfilled and happy. 

For many life from an early age centres around self and personal fulfilment. Look at the media, journalistic articles  and advertising. So much of it resolves around personal happiness and what to do in order to achieve this. Almost as though it is our right to have a better life than someone else, to put our desires above those of others, to be the one who gets the top job. I try to remember, when hearing the disappointment of someone not getting the job they want, my mum’s words of encouragement that, when one door closes another opens and that that job was not meant for you; something better will come along. Easier said than done in this day and age when unemployment is rife but it still holds true that if you haven’t secured the job, someone else has, so for that person, it is a blessing.

Above the large crucifix hanging on the wall in the church I grew up in and my dad was the vicar, were the letters INRI, Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews. My dad always said that being a Christian was the ‘I’ crossed out and I never understood, as a child, what he really meant. Gradually the wisdom of his words have become apparent to me. When we  help others and put them before ourselves we stop focusing solely on our needs and in the process can find satisfaction and fulfilment.  When our daughter rang me in tears of loneliness due to lockdown I tried to encourage her to think of other friends living alone and contact them because I hoped that if she could take the focus away from herself and see how they were, it might help ease her own pain. There was not alot she could do to change her situation.  Infact I am in awe of her and others like her who have lived alone for the best part of a year and only now are the cracks starting to show. I dont think, at her age, I would have had the same equanimity and however hard it is, if you cannot change the circumstances, the only control you have is to change your attitude towards them. Thinking of the plight of others may be one way to do this. The upside of lockdown, and we really do have to try and focus on the positives, is the amazing growth in community spirit and the outpouring of love towards our neighbours. The efforts that people are prepared to go to help one another and the community projects that are springing up to help combat isolation and poverty are both inspiring and humbling. We all know the downside of lockdown, with increased loneliness, fractured relationships,  mental ill-health, poorer physical health due to delays in medical treatments and job losses or jobs demanding even more hours in the working week. It’s encouraging to see people reaching out to one another and trying to assist in whatever ways they can. Many people have, just by obeying the rules, put other people first and tried to help ease the strain on our healthcare professionals and all who work in our hospitals and medical centres. Even having the vaccine is a step towards ensuring the safety of the vulnerable in our society rather than a personal choice as to whether or not we want it. The pandemic has left so many of us bereaved of friends and family but the grief and devastation this has caused can become more bearable if we are there for one another, a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear to hear someone’s story and offer comfort, perhaps by a practical gesture, a prayer or just coming alongside.

The ‘I’ crossed out, loving others before ourselves. So easy to say and yet so hard to do. Humans, I  think, are by and large selfish. I know I am! I forever want to put my needs first, a prime example breakfast in bed bought to me by R, throughout lockdown and the winter months, when just getting up in the cold was an ordeal. Perhaps R would appreciate my getting up to prepare his breakfast and yet, do I ever think or want to do that! Even coming on this narrowboat trip was my idea, that eventually R willingly went along with (and i think has no regrets!) but it could be argued, I was selfish in my persistence. If we desire something badly enough, we can become selfish in our pursuit of it. So selflessness is something to work at, but not to the detriment of our own selfcare. We all need to place boundaries and re-energize ourselves in order to be capable of being there for others. Selflessness is not about allowing people to walk all over us or having their needs met at our expense.

It could be said that the ultimate act of selflessness was when Jesus died on the Cross. He took the wrongdoings of us all upon himself and asked God to forgive us, so that our sins can no longer separate us from the love of God. As forgiven people we can lay down any guilt we may have and live each new day in freedom, joy and thankfulness. As we look towards Good Friday it is important not to forget the really good news – that three days later Jesus rose from the dead, showing us that there is eternal life with God and once our earthly life is at an end death is just a stepping stone to a new beginning.