FORGIVENESS

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.”

Luke 23 v34

Forgiveness.  A tough subject to write about because there are some things that seem too big for us to forgive and so we justify to ourselves all the reasons why we don’t have to. Even the small grievances we have against someone can be difficult to forgive and forget. The problem, as I see it, is that if we choose not to forgive, it is our wellbeing that suffers and in our inner being we are never at peace and part of our nature can become bitter, hard and resentful.

The other side of the coin is when we do something to someone else that requires them to forgive us. If we don’t receive their forgiveness it can chew us up inside and we may feel guilt, sorrow and distress.

I think it’s really necessary to wrestle with our attitude towards forgiveness  and be clear on why it is imperative for us to forgive, however hard and impossible that may seem to do. We will benefit, as will those around us because when we have no ill will in our heart for someone else and we know that we are forgiven for anything we may have done to someone else, knowingly or unwittingly, we can be at peace. There will be no dis-ease within us. I think that is why, in the Bible when Jesus is asked a direct question as to how often we should forgive a person, maybe 7 times (that’s supposed to be a generous amount) he answers ’70 x 7′. In other words, every time!

How hard is that! Sometimes,  when I am holding on to a minor grievance I may repeat the circumstances to a friend and then another and then another, just to make myself feel better in the moment.  All that does is reinforce the incident in my mind and make it bigger and harder to forget. Interestingly every time I mention it afresh I then feel guilty for doing so, as if I have been unnecessarily gossiping! Turning that around and thinking about a grievance someone may have against me, the thought that they could be repeating my misdemeanor to their friends leaves me feeling hurt and vulnerable and unwilling to show my face, with the unpleasant thought that people have been talking about me behind my back.

Of course the other issue with not forgiving past hurts is that they come with us into the future and all sorts of problems arise, especially if we think globally – a lack of forgiveness accounts for the starting of many a war. Even now we see vaccine disputes that may well develop into long held grudges if not handled carefully.

I was always struck, after my husband R’s bicycle accident, by the power of a letter offering forgiveness. R’s accident  was just that, an accident which apportioned no blame. However for the man driving the car that hit him, I heard he was locked into guilt and a sense that he was to blame or could have perhaps prevented what happened. I decided to write him a letter to explain that neither R nor myself held him in any way responsible and in turn, he met with us and said that that letter had set him free. He was able to move on and let go of any feelings of remorse.

Some situations, as we are all aware are much harder to deal with, both for the injured party and the perpetrator, of acts that have life changing consequences. Of hurts and acts committed  that are too deep and painful to forgive and forget. Perhaps some things are not meant to be forgotten but somehow managed, so that forgiveness can be worked towards and the future can be one of hope and reconciliation. Forgiveness is a journey. Sometimes in order to mean it with our heart as well as our head we have to wake up every morning and renew our pledge to forgive someone, or to believe each day that we ourselves are forgiven. Perhaps that’s why Jesus said you need to forgive 70 x 7 meaning that forgiveness is an ongoing process. And today, Good Friday, is when we remember that Jesus died on the Cross so that we might be forgiven for the things we do wrong.  Even if we do something that seems unforgivable, as long as we truly repent,  we know that God has the ultimate authority to offer us the forgiveness we need which allows us to walk eventually in freedom and joy. For us to truly forgive someone else we need to know that we ourselves are forgiven so that the power of God can channel through us to offer them the forgiveness they so much need and which we, in our own strength, may not be equipped to give. Through God all things are possible.