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Friday 26th February

Having covered our bed with all the things to bring home we slept on the sofa bed next to the wood burner so we were certainly warm enough when we went to sleep. R thinks it aggrevates his back so it isn’t his first choice but I like the fact it’s a bit bigger, so I don’t have to worry about falling off the edge. Even if I did, it’s a low drop, unlike the cabin bed which is high up. I could really do myself a mischief if I rolled off that! As per usual, it seems to me, I was wide awake at 0430 through till 6am so trying to wake for the 8am prayer meeting was not an easy task even though R tried to revive me with tea and crumpet. So addicted am I, the final crumpet in the packet and last banana are coming home for Saturday’s breakfast! Sleeplessness is so strange, whatever routine I try seems to make no difference. Have even taken to blue light on my mobile in the evening and turning off data, but my sleep pattern got disrupted at the menopause and has never returned to normal. I had hoped less stress would make a difference – perhaps I’ve just swopped that for more TV! The only advantage on the boat, to being at home, is that however little sleep I have had in the night I hardly ever feel tired in the day, once I am up and about. I also don’t feel the need to wear my glasses as it doesn’t seem to irritate me, the way it used to, that I can’t see clearly in the distance and my long sight, although not 100%, allows me to read a book or screen without lenses. (Just to reassure you, I put them on when steering!). There is so much written about the importance of sleep and the detrimental effects of lack of it but I do wonder as we get older whether it isn’t actually to do with our hormones changing and thus quite a natural development. Yet another health issue to add to the list to worry about if what we read is true! I prefer to think of that wakeful hour in the night as ‘Godtime’. I can talk to him without interruption and he can certainly get my attention as I can listen in without distraction!

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A truly clear sky and bright sunshine led to R encouraging me to get off the boat and find a nice outdoor space to do my exercises with my phone blaring music, like a teenager! Feeling much more alert, we then had a call, perched on a wall in the sun, with a couple who are hopefully going to have their wedding and reception at our local church, just like we did when our daughter C got married there a couple of years ago. They wanted to know the pros and cons and it was fun thinking about that really happy day, even if it did mean we relived the hustle of the aftermath! Finally, they asked if after lockdown we could show them some pictures – a reminder that I haven’t yet printed any out. They are still on my laptop, so many that when I try to choose a few, I just get confused. Perhaps a task to set myself in this final month on the boat.

Hiring the car and driving home went smoothly although it reminded me how tiring driving on a motorway is, especially when 4mph seems fast on a boat! Walking into our house felt strange and to be honest, a bit depressing. I hadn’t noticed the last time home, quite how many flecks of paint were dotted all over the bathroom and shower room floors, a result of my lovely son P kindly painting the ceiling, but not worrying too much about what he was standing on! There is just so much stuff to sort through, things to let go of that we just don’t need and the realisation that clearing takes time and I really should make it a priority when we come home.

I still accessed by usual Friday Zoom call and then went for a walk in the park, which was dark except for a nearly full moon, so I could see enough not to walk into a ditch! Passed by a new takeaway, think Thai, en route home and was cheered to see one of our friends queuing, so we were able to have a quick word. Picking up a takeaway from our local Indian it was reassuring to see how busy they were and comforting to eat such a familiar meal as we have frequented them often over the years. Sinking into a full length bath was bliss and then fell pleasantly tired into bed!

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Thursday 25th February

I find it heart warming the way our children, now all adult in years, have developed their own traditions from the small regular things we did in their lives when growing up and I am only now beginning to realise what was impactful to them. So to give an example, yesterday I shared the happy birthday song sung down the phone to son G (originally it was my mum who would ring up her children/grandchildren and sing the traditional happy birthday song – infact one time she rung up her friend Jeannie and having sung Happy Birthday was amused to find she was singing to a total stranger, also called Jean! It may even have been her birthday, but that seems too much of a coincidence so I may be misremembering!) Today, awaking late because of a poor night’s sleep, when I looked at the family WhatsApp, son P, whose birthday is today, had sent a message: “who’s going to give me the present I really want?”. Following that, the two alternative renditions of Happy Birthday sung by his two sisters, the Jesus one being his top favourite! And just what he wanted for his birthday, similar to bro G. Who’d have guessed it?!

So, we then sung Happy Birthday, so as not to be outdone, but videod it, which was the funniest thing because replaying it both R and I were swaying from side to side as we sang, R standing and me almost horizontal in bed! Perhaps it was the boat rocking.

We moved the boat about 40 minutes northwards to where we can easily walk to the car hire and where we can park the car close to the boat for loading up tomorrow. We were surprised at how many boats were on the move and one slightly disgruntled lady coming towards us who had gone to the watertap only to find four boats waiting, including a widebeam with a very large tank. She had given up waiting and will try again tomorrow.

The ex-army bloke in the boat next door, is very chatty so R and he have had a couple of lengthy chats, ‘bow to bow’! He bought his boat 25 years ago when it was 30ft long and in need of a lot of tlc. Since then he has extended it by about 15ft and done all sorts of refits. He had many a tale to tell about the waterways, not all of it good! The CRT apparently does not invest enough to keep the canals in good working order. In the summer months there are so many boats on the water that it is impossible to move freely along the canal and novice boaters are often crashing into other boats. They probably don’t do too much damage as they are going relatively slowly but there’s alot of weight in the boat! He put me off cruising in the summer months as the idea of queuing for use of all the facilities and being logged jammed holds no attraction. The good news was that there’s a new Lidl (so not mentioned in my Pearson canal ‘bible’) fifteen minute walk from here, near to the car hire. If we have time to shop there before returning the car it could be very useful.

In our usual fashion we decided to walk the towpath to find our next mooring which we want to be between here and Wolverton. First we walked to the carhire, then Lidl and then back to the canal where we met a man on his boat doing lovely wood carvings, which he was happy to sell. He and his wife have rented out their house and bought a narrowboat which they have lived on for 5 years since he took early retirement, just to get out of the rat race. They decided not to sell their house as the rent pays for most of the boat costs and gives them the option to return home should their health deteriorate. He told us they knew of a few boaters who having sold their houses in favour of a boat then found they could not get back on the property ladder if the boat didn’t work out. R isn’t keen ever to buy, partly because boats always need maintenance and he would no longer be relaxed on the boat if he was forever second guessing the next problem that needed fixing. One of the joys of renting is knowing we have help at the end of a phone.

Before returning to the boat, even though we walked right past it, we went to view a beautiful stretch of bright yellow crocuses that I had spied in a park as we travelled along the canal earlier in the day. They were so lovely and colourful in the sunlight, a ray of sunshine on grass!

A quiet evening once I had gone through the boat collecting together all the things we want to take home in the hire car. I just hope I don’t find too many things to bring back! We finished Series 3 of ‘Unforgotten’ which gave us quite a chill. So we counterbalanced it with another episode of ‘Keeping up Appearances’. Quite apt – all about impressing the new vicar!

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Wednesday 24th February

First of our five day celebration, which has always made Lent so difficult to be abstemious in when it starts in Feb! Our G is 32 today and tomorrow brother P is 23 and then our wedding anniversary is 28th Feb. So in years gone by its always been a week to look forward to as special family time. It feels rather disjointed this year due to enforced separation but its the same story across the country so c’est la vie. At least if we have mobile signal we can video call.

The day started clear and crisp but it was a little blowy. I joined the Zoom Breathe meeting, which was really quite jolly and then, as a result of a comment from a friend on this blog, listened to an episode of ‘John Fennimore’s Souvenirs’ on Radio Sounds whilst doing my exercise routine. Certainly made a change to doing it to music! I don’t often find things I listen to funny, but this had me laughing out loud. It was so good for the soul. He started off talking about a homemade lasagne that actually turned out to be a cake but J called it lasagne because he’d given up cake for a year! Very pertinent as I’ve given up cake and biscuits for lent which in usual circumstances wouldn’t be much of a hardship. However since this trip one of our highlights has been what type of biscuit shall we have with the morning coffee and indulging in slabs of cake in the afternoon! R as slim as a pin needs the calories. I do not! Reminds me of the months after his bike accident, where he had lost 3 to 4 stone. I through anxiety, also slimmed down but obviously not nearly so dramatically and was quite happy with my new weight. Then I had to start feeding R up to put on the weight he’d lost. The problem was I also ate the double cream, the extra sugar and whatever other goodies that became our diet whilst he regained his figure. I certainly regained more than7 mine! In danger of repeating the experience whilst on the boat, although if we were sitting at home in lockdown it would probably be the same story. Comfort eating I think it’s called and who can blame those of us who do it? Food is one of life’s pleasures. I feel sure though that sugar is as addictive a substance as any, especially when combined with fat. There was a study done on rats a few years ago. They were fed fat alone, then sugar alone and then fat and sugar combined. Eating the fat and sugar separately, they consumed what they needed and then stopped eating. However once combined they just ate and ate with no cutoff point until eventually they became obese.

Just as we were setting out for our walk G rang and we embarrassed him, as we do all our children, by singing ‘happy birthday’ loudly on the phone. This year I think we were the more embarrassed being in such a public place standing on the boat’s stern singing! Our version is a ‘Jesus’ one (A happy birthday to you, a happy birthday to you, every day of the year may you feel Jesus near. A happy birthday to you, a happy birthday to you and the best one you’ve ever had!). We sang it every time a child at Sunday school had a birthday, so they know it well! It was only a few years ago G let on he had never forgotten it so now that’s the go-to version! Our signal was pretty poor, even after considerable trial and error walking around the lake, so it was pretty difficult deciphering what G was saying. Eventually we switched to an old fashioned ‘phone call’!

Willen Lakes in usual times would been bustling with activity. It seems to have been purpose built with water sports in mind. Subsequently it somehow looks more functional than the previous lakes we enjoyed walking around and not so beautifully landscaped. It’s an amazing facility though, including the adventure park, for MK and conveniently close to where so many people live. I would love to see it all in action and not the ghost fairground `a la ScoobyDo cartoon it appeared today. Hopefully a few months more and the community will be enjoying their outdoor pursuits once again.

My evening tipple meant I finished off a bottle of my favourite artisan gin called ‘Blue Slate’ from the Welsh Hills, purchased in Bala. One of the nicest gins I have tasted – only having ice with the gin means I can really appreciate the flavours and as its strong, I sip rather than glug – I have always found a G&T an ‘x’ rated lemonade and drink it as such!

Series 3 of Unforgotten saw us through the remainder of the evening, after attending a Lent group to discuss a book recommended by the Archbishop of Canterbury on evangelism which R and I have downloaded on my Kindle. It’s a bit tricky reading the same book at different times on a Kindle because I have to remember where I left off and try and find the page whilst remembering where R was when I picked the Kindle up, so that I can get it back to his page, or just hope he remembers where he was!

As a finale before bed and to get murder out of our heads, we watched the first ever episode of ‘Keeping up Appearances’ which gave us a few chuckles. R had never seen it – simple humour but some great lines! R told me its written along the lines of the Miss Mapp Stories by E F Benson, which he coincidentally is reading right now!

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Tuesday 23rd February

For us, quite a busy day! Lovely blue sky first thing – a good encouragement to get the day started. I have become particularly fond of my breakfast in bed routine of a crumpet with nut butter and banana. Truth be told R probably likes his breakfast at the dinette table alone so that he can start the day with a bit of peace! We needed to return to the MK marina to fill up with water and diesel, do the necessary at the Elsan and use the laundrette. I hadn’t realised how far up the canal we had moored. It took 40mins to turn around and return down the canal to the marina. It was windy as well as sunny. I had decided to take the plastic covered roll of foam that separates our mattress from the wall in our cabin and put it on the roof to dry out and air. As we were travelling along R pulled a large branch of tree from the water and started to saw off some of the smaller branches. A puff of wind caught the main branch when he wasn’t holding it and plop back into water it fell at the same time as the plastic roll of foam also blew off the roof. Although we managed to rescue it I now no longer want it! The plastic was not watertight so the foam will be fairly wet with canal water and difficult to dry out. Think we need to find a large dustbin! Manoeuvring the boat so that we were able to fill up with diesel was a bit tricky as the wind kept blowing us off course when reversing. Then, while the washing was tumble drying we re- entered the canal from the marina in order to use the waterpoint. The flow was slow so it took a longish time. Meanwhile I walked back to the laundrette and collected the clean clothes. By the time I returned we were ready to go. I think it had taken two hours just to replenish our utilities! We travelled up the canal to reach the mooring we had sussed out yesterday with good signal and a pretty view. On one side of us is Willen Park with a couple of large lakes that we will explore tomorrow and on the other side an enormous park with among many other things an open air theatre, a cricket pitch, a maze, gardens, bike trail, and sheep grazing on a hillside. The hill was a bit of a surprise! I didn’t think MK had any of those. One end of the park gives a great view of the nearby skidome and the park adjoins the central business area. There was an amazing circular monument with marble posts planted within the piazza noting special days in the year, such as Concrete cow day, poetry day, St Andrew’s day etc, with the most recent post being ‘Covid 19’, dateless at present. The Willen lake side also has a fairly large outdoor theme park which is obviously closed. It is in close proximity to where we are moored and I would imagine is usually busy and noisy with young families and excited children. It is blissfully silent for us but there is a sadness in that as it reinforces the effects of this pandemic on everyday life.

Had a cup of tea on the stern end of the boat and met our neighbour, a plumber, who has been moored in the same place for months. He goes on a trip every so often to Wolverton and back to do his laundry and sort his facilities. He’s lived on his boat about eleven years pottering between Milton Keynes and Leighton Buzzard in the winter and then taking trips a bit further afield in the summer, but it doesn’t sound like he’s gone very far north. He goes in tandem with the friend who lives on the boat next to his. We have come across quite a few boaters who have paired up together as couples but still have their own boat for space. Seems quite a good idea!

Poor R did get rather an odd supper. When I had the oven on yesterday to roast a chicken I took the opportunity to use up a couple of eggs in a savoury baked egg dish with veg. A bit like a quiche without the pastry. Then I thought today to go with the egg I would cook quinoa and add mushrooms and spinach whereas I actually cooked millet by mistake. I did suggest we ate the ‘quiche’, as it was cold, before the millet but R said he’d like them together. However he did remark, as it took him rather a long time to finish his supper, that although he generally liked quiche, he meant the pastry!

Often bridge on a Tuesday evening but everyone was a bit busy so instead we watched the end of ‘Unforgotten’. It caused R and I to have quite a moral debate about children who have suffered serious abuse who as adults then take the law into their own hands for justice. For light relief we finished the evening with an episode of ‘Death in Paradise!’

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Monday 22nd February

Walking along the towpath I was careful to socially distance myself as I passed an older man standing outside his boat enjoying a rollup with his dog scampering around his feet. We fell to talking, he told be ‘Lolly’ was a rescue dog who on arrival 15 months earlier was angry and terrified in equal measure, having suffered abuse at the hands of a previous owner. Lolly was now calm and affectionate after patient and loving handling. I thought what an nurturing job this man had done and what kindness it showed. He said he was quite a loner having been widowed many years before and had lived in a campervan for a decade before buying a narrowboat eight years ago. His previous rescue dog became very ill at the end of his life and needed to be put down by the vet who said it would cost £170. Not having £170 the vet told him to take the dog home and wait for him to die. He went back to the boat heart broken on behalf of the dog who was suffering and asked a friend to go back to the vet to see how much it would cost if the dog’s owner was homeless (theoretically you are homeless on a narrowboat because you have no letterbox!) and was told £25! So as a ‘homeless’ person he was able to afford to have his beloved pet put down humanely. He said he wept for that dog more than he wept when his wife had died which led me to think that all his unexpressed grief from his wife dying 20 years before was released through the death of his much loved dog.

A second towpath walk towards the north end of MK to find moorings for the next few days and it seems that we still have a couple of miles before we reach a stable internet signal. We’re discussing a book for lent every Wednesday evening for the next six weeks on Zoom so we’d like to have internet if possible when we moor up. Also our scattered children have arranged a family Zoom for the weekend – 34 years married! I keep thinking that if I’d looked into a crystal ball 30 years ago and seen myself just with R for near on a year and for 5 months of that in a space 60ft x 7ft, I would never have believed it!! A sense of humour has been a vital ingredient in our marriage and I remember R saying he didn’t want to be bored, so I have tried to keep that from happening!

We’ve moved on to a new detective series – Unforgotten. Series 2 as we watched Series 1 a week or so ago. The pattern seems to be a body being found years after the murder has been committed so the detectives have to find the murderer, in the process disrupting family lives that have been built up in the intervening years. Chilling what can be hidden. Series 2 is a bit errie for me: body found in River Lea, the river that runs through the village I grew up in; the murdered man was Mr D Walker, like my brother’s name and the murder occurred on my birthday!! Too many coincidences. We watched three episodes back to back and no doubt will try to finish this series tomorrow. For the first time in our lives we are recognising actors appearing regularly in different films. Not having had a TV whilst the family were growing up we are making up for lost time. Britbox has all the TV oldies available!

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Sunday 21st February

Rather strange tuning in to our church today as I had pre-recorded a talk on the ‘pain of rejection’ for the morning service and had to sit and listen to myself! I think that was one better than also watching myself on video, but either makes one feel vulnerable and exposed – it really is a case of trusting in God’s wisdom and depending on him to give me the words he wants to be said. Such a big subject – only able to scratch the surface in an eight minute talk, but so important – I think all of us face rejection at some time in our lives and it can be really difficult to deal with. A downside of lockdown as many people have more time to dwell on past events with fewer distractions to ease any hurts.

Went for a long walk through the park nearest to the boat – MK seems to have extensive green areas to walk in and its good to see so many people outside, exercising. Many of them with dogs in tow and there are plenty of swings and roundabouts to entertain the children. There is even outdoor exercise equipment for adult use.

We had run fairly short on fruit and veg so I decided to do the weekly shop in Waitrose and claim my free newspaper. En route we saw our first ever robot doing a fastfood takeaway delivery. It was impressive to see how it stopped when it sensed a car nearby and proceeded with caution when it registered any humans nearby. A taste of things to come? MK is an ideal place to trial a robot as the streets are grid like and there are no hills, just a few gentle slopes occasionally, with separated cycle lanes and plenty of underpasses at busy junctions.

The evening saw us joining Songs of Praise followed by the last episode of Vera – I may have misled you into thinking we had finished the series but I found one more lurking! For light relief we watched ‘Friday Night Dinner’ as it had been recommended and it did make us laugh out loud. R said I was just like the mum and I thought he was like the dad. Are our boys like the sons? I hope not!! However, not sure how many we will watch, despite the obvious humour. Call me prudish but it really upsets me when there is needless blasphemy. My father was a very tolerant man until it came to taking God’s name in vein and I find it offensive when it is uncalled for. Many a time I embarrassed my children when I took their friends to task for saying ‘Oh my G..’ or ‘JC’ in front of me. I find the same with modern comedians who seem to think they cannot be funny without major outbursts of swearing or numerous sex references. Oh dear, I am showing my age!

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Saturday 20th February

Quite a few boats were moving along the canal today and we even had some paddle boarders pass by. They were chatty and obviously really enjoyed their watersport – think it was keeping them sane in lockdown. The weather is so much warmer, it makes for a much easier life on the water and we aren’t having to forage for so much wood as the stove isn’t lit until nearer to 6pm.

We walked up and down the towpath, constantly checking signal on our phones, to find some good internet access. Where we are currently moored, it is very weak and only available at one end of the boat. Even then if we walk around too much it goes in and out of reception. Eventually we found what we hoped would be a suitable mooring, not too far from Waitrose as tomorrow we need to do the weekly shop and carry everything back to the boat. There’s a river between us and Waitrose with only a couple of bridges intermittently placed so we need to be able to walk in an almost straight line from our boat to the supermarket, across the intervening park and houses. An added complication is that although the signal may appear good on the towpath it isn’t necessarily good in the boat. So I risked some impatience from R if this manoeuvre did not go smoothly! We returned to the boat, via Waitrose so we knew how far it actually was going to be from the new mooring and I then steered Wind Rose whilst R walked down the towpath and waited for me at the allotted space. Once there R held the mid rope whilst I checked signal strength throughout the boat. Thankfully all looked good so we could properly moor up. Sometimes mooring involves hammering pegs into the ground so you don’t want to do it unnecessarily. Infact we’ve found a place where we just chain ourselves to the towpath edge so we were quickly settled in.

A phone call from my brother informed me that my mum’s oldest friend, Aunty Dobby to us, but Jeannie to most, had just died at the age of 98! Their friendship had spanned over 95 years and we thought of her as our aunt as she had no children and both my parents were only children so we have no directly related uncles and aunts. She and mum had a wicked sense of fun when they were together and made up some very ribald limericks! I was born three weeks early at home in The Vicarage, after mum and dad had attended a party with a good deal of champagne on offer! My granny had taken all the baby clothes away to wash and so with nothing to wear I was snuggled in the bed. Aunty Dobby was due to visit the day I was born and entering mum’s bedroom couldn’t understand why mum was in bed having totally overlooked me as I was such a scrap of a thing! When both mum and Aunty Dobby were in their nineties mum was with us one Christmas and Aunty Dobby’s carer bought her to us as a surprise. The look of joy on mum’s face and the fun they both had that day will stay with me forever. An end of an era now they are both gone.

We had a Zoom quiz at 5pm but I had another meeting so R was on his own answering the fiendish questions. We normally come last and this time he was second from the bottom so obviously it isn’t much of an advantage having me on the team!

Supper was left over curry from our takeaway Indian meal and it tasted even better reheated! There’s still enough sauce left from the lamb curry to mix with some of the batch mince I cooked and froze a few weeks ago. So supper tomorrow will be curry again!

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Friday 19th February

Wide awake at 0330, partly because R couldn’t sleep so decided to read and the torchlight was quite bright. I often seem just to doze from about that hour of the night but it took a long time to actually get back to sleep and before I knew it the alarm was ringing for our 8am weekly prayer meeting.  I always seem to sleep badly when I have to have an early start! Got the heating on so we could have hot water for a hair wash and bath. However our timings were out so the hair got washed in lukewarm water and then we turned the engine on to boost the heating further returned to bed for half an hour! Post bath, both of us in a complete clean set of clothing, I took dirty clothes and all bedlinen to the wishy washy so that once we leave marina everything that can be clean on boat is clean, including R! So good to take delight in such small pleasures! R made use of the Elsan, filled the water tank to the brim once I had wet washed the floors and we were ready for the off. Quite a tricky manoeuvre leaving the Marina because of where our boat had been moored and also due to the south easterly wind that then followed us down the canal. Very shortly we found a beautiful stretch of canal to moor up, beside a lovely open park. Unfortunately two hours later we were having to pull the boat along the canal trying to find some internet signal. Daughter H had tried ringing us and we realised we had no connection anywhere in the boat. As I had not only my regular Friday afternoon Zoom but also our Zoom monthly Filling Station meeting, it really was going to be a bit of a problem without signal. Visions of standing outside the boat in the cold, and maybe rain, was not appealing! Thankfully just when we thought we were going to have to admit defeat the 4G sign illuminated. I have to admit I stayed in exactly the same position on the boat for 80 minutes, the duration of our double length Zoom, just in case only pockets of the boat are internet friendly. Why is it that the problems only occur when you really need to be online! The further along the canal we go the longer the walk to Waitrose and we really will need some fruit and veg by Sunday so I don’t want to travel too far. Also it is so idyllic moored up by a park. Looking out of the window and seeing green spaces and trees is such a treat in the middle of a built up city.

We attended our monthly Filling Station meeting with an inspirational speaker, Russ Parker, author of many books. He talked about the healing of our lands. So often  when physical healing occurs, the place where the dis-ease arose also needs healing. He spoke of a priest who asked farmers who were affected by the foot and mouth outbreak in, I think, the seventies, if he could go around the boundaries of their farms, praying for healing to occur. In all instances the foot and mouth outbreaks cleared up. This was just one example to help us understand the importance of location in having healing and health.  He showed other examples throughout the Bible from Genesis to Revelation.  Regretfully as it was a Zoom meeting we were limited to an hour in total (hard to concentrate on Zoom for longer!) so Russ only had a relatively brief time to speak which disappointed me because I could listen to him for much longer. He has a wonderful way with words and stories and bringing the subject he is speaking on to life. Very similar to our friend AP who has recently done 6 enthralling physics lectures where his enthusiasm for the subject bubbles over and infects all the listeners.

The last episode of Mum was a great way to finish the evening as the main characters walked hand in hand off into the distance with a couple of bottles of bubbly and a metaphorical farewell to their past lives

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HOPE

Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Romans 8.24

If ever we needed a time to be patient it is now! Three lockdowns within twelve months and no definite end in sight. A totally topsy-turvy world with seemingly no certainties left for us to have faith in. Today I read something that impacted my thoughts. It’s to do with facts and feelings.

We need to look at the facts of a matter, any matter, and once we have the facts we need to examine how it makes us feel. Now, if we reverse this, we can end up being controlled by our feelings, regardless of the facts, which can lead to feelings of hopelessness. So, if you feel something about a matter but you do not have any facts to back up what you are feeling, you then start finding facts to suit your feelings, thus building stronger feelings for something that may in the end be of no consequence.

Take for example being given a chronic medical diagnosis. Your immediate feelings of fear may make you do a google search, looking for facts that back up and increase your fear. If instead, you listen first to the facts of what the doctors tell you, you can adjust your feelings accordingly, and the worst case scenario, built around feelings in your head, may never happen.

So what has all this to do with hope? It seems to me we are living in a time where ‘the facts’ of covid and how we should be living life are constantly changing. This can make us feel insecure, unstable and anxious about the future. Our feelings of dis-ease may increase and we start looking for facts to support our fearful thoughts. Training our thoughts to stay in the moment, without projecting ahead to worst case scenarios, looking at the facts we are given as they arise and then examining how we feel, may help lessen our fear. Remembering that tomorrow is a new day and the facts may change for the better, may give us a perspective of hope rather than despair.

I learnt, as a result of years of living with a child with longterm fatigue, that the feelings of fear I had made no difference to the outcome of her illness. A more hope filled faith on my part, that all would turn out OK, would have saved me years of worry! That’s not to say the worse doesn’t sometimes happen, just that there is little point in worrying about it in advance. Cultivating a mindset that hopefully all will be well and projecting a positive attitude even in the face of difficult challenges may enable one to experience more joy filled moments.

Of course this is far easier to say than do and personally I cannot do it in my own strength. But if I look to the promises made by God to us I realise that we can be a people of hope. I realise why I find humanist funeral services so bleak – they lack hope. That is not to say that the service itself may not be beautifully written and conducted. The words heartfelt and warm, reminding us what a wonderful person the deceased was and how much we love them. But without the hope of life continuing on its journey with God and heaven awaiting, what can be said by a humanist that gives us any hope in this death?

Likewise, if we take God out of the equation of this pandemic, what hope are so many people left with? Those who have lost their health or job, their loved ones. Those who have lost their joy in life, unable to be with family and friends. The depression, stress and anxiety caused by exhaustion. So many casualties it is easy to lose any hope in a meaningful future. Except, for me, the one unchanging presence in all that is going on, is God. However hard life gets, God is in it with us and not as some distant uncaring presence but as a God who wants to wrap his arms around us to give us comfort. His word never fails, his love never ends and if we trust in him we can live with the knowledge that one day all will be well, as revealed in the following verses:

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes.There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Revelation 21. 1-4

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Thursday, 18th February

Amazing how long email housekeeping takes. Must have spent two hours this morning deleting emails or putting them into folders, which I will probably never look at! The rain was pounding down when we awoke and I honestly thought we would be isolated on the boat all day. However after a lunchtime Zoom with friends, followed by a webinair on the ‘post pandemic church’ we were delighted to see some blue sky and sun.

We walked along the towpath to find a new mooring for tomorrow, when we leave the Marina. There was a beautifully maintained narrowboat and a friendly young couple who said they had been in the same place since Christmas and work from home. I wondered where the nearest supermarket was as it wasn’t obvious, as all I could see was houses and parkland. I was cheered to hear a 20 minute walk across the park would lead to a Waitrose which sounds ideal!

Returning to the boat after quite a long walk I tackled the issue of hiring a car to get R home for his jab. Only wanting a one day hire, I was disheartened when the nearest car rental firm to the canal, in Wolverton, only does a three day rental over the weekend. Much more than we need – the prospect of going home for three days, unable to see any of our friends, is not appealing. However I found a firm about a half hour walk from the North end of MK, who, when he heard why I needed a car, offered me a people mover for £50 for 24hrs. It was the only car available – don’t think I have driven such a large car in a decade! The advantage for us is that we will be able to take bulky things home from the boat, including the two folding bikes we haven’t even used yet! Arriving on the boat we had a couple of car loads of stuff. Ideally it would be great if we could get home with just one load and as we only have a month left I am sure I can whittle down clothes etc!

The Indian takeaway around the corner isn’t open and the Chinese hasn’t got a great scoring on trip advisor! So I googled and found another local Indian takeaway which delivered and was delighted with the meal we received. I over ordered so that we would have enough for a second meal over the weekend. According to Trip advisor it’s rated the top Indian restaurant in MK and I can see why! It did make me feel a little homesick for our favourite home Indian restaurant that we often frequent with another couple. Infact one night, when R was away at the same time that Ms wife was busy, M and I went there on our own, which set tongues wagging, especially as a friend passed by and saw us through the window!