Category: THOUGHTS

Recently I heard a story about a couple who moved into a new home, where a dove lived in an external eave of the house.  They quickly came to love the dove but they also noticed that whenever they slammed a door, the dove flew off. He also flew away when he heard raised voices.  The couple became anxious that one day the dove might not return home,  so they made a consistent effort to close doors quietly and to not argue with one another!

In the bible it says that the Holy Spirit, like a dove, landed on Jesus and remained. We know that the Holy Spirit is within us and sometimes, when we feel pure joy,  or a comforting warmth, that can be the Holy Spirit making himself known to us. However when we are out of sorts with one another,  or are unkind, impatient or bad tempered, we put up a barrier against the Holy spirit being able to work within us, so, like a dove, He appears to  fly away. When we let the barrier down the fruits of the spirit, such as love,  joy,  peace,  generosity, kindness, patience, to name but a few, are enabled once again and the Holy Spirit can work freely within us.  We then, empowered by the Spirit, can become channels of goodness and light in the world.

So now,  whenever R and I have ‘words’ we imagine a dove flying away in consternation and we do our best to resolve our issues so that the dove wants to come back. It is said it is easy to grieve the Holy Spirit and this is my interpretation of what that might mean. Grieving the Holy Spirit (mentioned in Ephesians 4:30) is when you disobey the Word of God. You know what the Word of God says, but you don’t want to do it. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth, so if you habitually lie, you grieve the Holy Spirit.

How important is it to feel you belong somewhere? It’s something I have taken for granted. I always felt that I belonged in my family growing up and now, looking back over many years, I realise how much I felt I belonged in my home town. My involvement with church, schools, clubs, family, all gave me a warm sense of belonging and helped me understand my place in the world. Friendships highlighted this, always knowing there was someone I could call on to meet for a coffee or go for a walk. Aside from the family my husband and I have nurtured together, the other most valued source of belonging has come from my Christian friendships and being a part of our local church. It was with a great deal of sadness that we recently said a formal farewell to the church we had been part of for over thirty years, as we set out on our new adventure of travelling the waterways, leaving many good friends behind. My blogging is an attempt to retain links, to feel we are still connected in some small way to our old life, so that when we return to catch up with our friends, we don’t feel totally alien. As much as I’d love to maintain one on one connections, I know this isn’t realistic, so a blog is better than no communication at all, at least from my perspective! Sometimes the blog elicits a comment from someone, so I am reassured I am not just talking to myself and that at least one reader is keeping tabs on us both!

Why should it matter? I think because I still want to feel I belong somewhere. We have chosen this lifestyle with little regret, but that doesn’t negate our need for belonging. Gradually we are learning it can come from different directions and that even cameo moments with a person can count towards where we feel our place is and what purpose we are serving. Boaters are a community in themselves and, for the most part, welcome one another as kindred spirits. There is a definite sense of being able to connect quickly with other boaters. As R often remarks, “why is it that when you arrive at a car park you never discuss the car parked next to you with its owner and yet it is second nature to readily open a conversion with the owner of the boat moored next to you”.

A further delight on our travels so far has been attending a host of different churches, being warmly welcomed, whether we have joined them for a single service, a couple of weeks, or as in one case, on and off for about six months. Invariably, people are intrigued by what we have set out to do and show interest in our boating way of life, usually relieved that they don’t have to live in a 43 x 7ft steel tube! Just the thought of the ablutions, the shopping, the washing and the damp are enough to deter people. Yet, it’s the acceptance that gives us the sense of belonging and the knowledge that they understand what we are trying to do – to bring a little bit of God’s light and love to those we meet and to share the hope that we have in the life and death of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit at work within us. Just this last week we found ourselves drawn to the church at Whitchurch on Thames, where we really felt the presence of God’s love. I found myself so moved by the prayers for the current situation in the middle east, that when I heard they had another prayer meeting on Tuesday, R and I went along to join them. A total cameo moment as we may well never pass that way on our boat again and yet the sense of belonging we had was palpable. I believe that wherever we worship with fellow pilgrims on our journey, we will have opportunities to belong. It reminds me of Jesus’s words to his disciples, ” If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.” (Matthew 10v14).

There will be some destinations, I am sure, where we will not feel so welcome but that’s OK. For it is also good to know that by our faith, God our heavenly Father, always has a place ready for us so that we can belong in his family.

Life has changed for us. It probably started in covid lockdown when we were forced to stay at home, the diary emptied and we found time to think and do nothing if we so chose. Then we went on a narrowboat for six months, heading off into the unknown, with again, an empty diary, taking life day by day. Of course this isn’t strictly true – we had family and friends commitments, doctor’s appointments and a few other engagements noted, but the majority of the week was empty of detail and each new day we found time for the unexpected, fitted around our many boat chores and hobbies, such as writing this blog.

Now, we really are living in the moment. Arriving on the Wey navigation in November was always a risk. We had a plan – head for the Farncombe boat house, situated at the far end of the navigation, to moor for the winter, ensuring we pass through Triggs lock before November 14th as essential lock repairs necessitate it’s closure for two weeks.  It seemed perfectly doable. We could then return home, maximise our diaries until March, then return to boat life! We didn’t factor in the weather. Or at least, we did, but didn’t believe it would be an issue! October had seen so little rain, we were lulled into a false sense of security, that of course the weather would stay fine. A little windy maybe, a few degrees colder, but rain – no, surely not. How wrong we could be! No sooner had we turned onto the Wey navigation then the forecast darkened and rain became an issue. It rained and it rained and it rained some more, so that the red flood alerts appeared on all the lock gates and we were brought to a halt. Fortuitously outside the Anchor pub in Pyrford. If you need to be grounded there’s no better place than opposite a Marina and alongside a pub! So now, day by day, we wait for the flood waters to go down so that we can continue on our way. Of course our dilemma is whether we will be allowed to pass Triggs lock by next Sunday and if not, do we just stay here or do we move further along  the navigation, waiting this side of the lock until it reopens. At present we are still on the canal but by Triggs lock we will be on the river itself, so moored up there not knowing if more rain will fall, thus flooding the river yet again, could bring fresh challenges. The lesson being learnt is that we have to live in the moment. There is nothing we can do to change the weather. We can’t make plans as we don’t know when we will be able to move on and each day appears rather drear as we awaken to yet more rain!

The upside of all this is the expectancy of each new day as we decide what to do on the spur of the moment. A break in the rain and we set forth on a towpath walk. A telephone call and we arrange last minute visitors to the boat, knowing we can retreat to the warmth of the pub if our stove isn’t lit. Going to the pub ourselves and engaging in conversations with the locals brings unexpected conversation. There is a freedom in an empty diary and the absence of time pressure that can be re-energising and re-centering. I appreciate it is a luxury that many people don’t have. Work, family, other regular commitments fill one’s day to bursting. Maybe though, it’s worth occasionally, sifting through all that takes one’s time and thinking is there anything I can let go of?  Can I create more space to have moments when I can live in the present, nothing planned, demanded or expected of me and have the choice of what to do with my time. None of us know what tomorrow will bring. Infact, there is no tomorrow, only today and what we have now. Matthew Ch 6v4 says “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Being thankful for what we have now, at this moment may give us a sense of contentment, that others strive for by thinking that what’s ahead will be better. In the midst of difficulties that is probably true. None of us relish the hard times and having to get through them. There is reassurance though from Paul’s letter to the Romans Ch 5 where he says “because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”  Knowing what is in our future may not be helpful to our present. Living in the now, with God’s help, (if we believe in him) and the support of all those around who love and care for us, is perhaps a better option.

There has been much said about constancy since the late Queen’s death, hardly surprising as she has been on the throne longer than many of us have been alive. Her constant presence meant that, not only was it easy to take her for granted, it was also difficult to imagine a time when she wouldn’t be here. In an age when more and more people are reaching 100 years, some still surprisingly sprightly, we can be forgiven for thinking the Queen might still have had a few more years to go. Thus her sudden death, coming so soon after seeing her welcome in a new Prime Minister, seemingly still well but frail, was even more shocking. Whatever views one may hold about the monarchy, I feel few would disagree that the Queen has been an amazing presence in this country, fulfilling her pledge of lifelong commitment and service to her people. The ready smile, twinkle in her eye and warmth towards all those she met, will be mourned by many and it is unlikely anyone else will ever be in a position to replicate her devotion to duty and to us all.

So where else can we find constancy in our lives and is it important that we do so? For some it may come from a loving close family or being part of a tight knit community. For others it might be living in the same area or even in the same dwelling for years. Or a job that has been ever constant, although lifelong jobs are becoming a rarity, with many people accepting that they will have numerous career changes in their working life. Constancy can come from habits that we form, such as living a well ordered life with regular routines and repeated activities at set times. All these things offer security and safety, compared to a feeling that we are living on shifting sands.

Constancy then is probably thought of as a good thing by most people and yet, as we have seen with the death of the Queen, it can be snatched away in an instant, leaving us flailing about in uncharted waters. I dare to suggest the one constant we can all tap into, should we so desire, is the constancy of a loving God. Believing and trusting in God won’t stop us suffering, it won’t mean we will have a pain free life or that everything will go our way. It does mean that whatever challenges we face in life, we know we do not do it alone. God has promised to be constantly with us and even those who do not dare to believe, can have the assurance that God never gives up on anyone, even when we give up on God. There is a well known poem about footsteps in the sand. In times of trouble there appear to be only one set of footsteps suggesting that God abandons us when life gets tough. The interpretation by the poet is that when only one set of footsteps appear, that is when God carries us. No human can be our constant companion, however much we may wish otherwise, as we all know that death can come calling at any time. But we can choose to have faith in a God who, if we acknowledge him as a constant presence in our life, will give us joy in our relationship with him, comfort in our present and hope for our future.

We were asked to give an update at church today of our narrowboat journey so after a resume of happenings to date I handed the microphone over to R, without prior knowledge of what he would say. It had crossed my mind that we should have discussed the content of our brief presentation beforehand but by the time this thought came to me the service had already started. Left to me, I would have chosen our recent breakdown. As it turned out the same thought had crossed R’s mind!

He told of our first day out on the cut, at the end of March, when we forgot to open the diesel pipe and gradually lost more and more power until the engine spluttered to a total standstill. Not only did the boat stop but without the diesel to power up the engine there is no charge reaching the boat batteries so everything grinds to a halt. The pumps stop working, the lights fail, the fridge warms up and the food goes mouldy. It really is a bit of a disaster and not to be recommended. R then likened this to our spiritual engine. If we forget to pay attention to it and forget to nurture it, our spiritual energy will dry up. We become depleted, like a flattened battery. Our energy levels sap and it can be increasingly difficult to motivate ourselves and find joy in living. Those we love, who we may feel a responsibility towards, no longer receive our best attention and completing everyday tasks become harder to accomplish. Life is a bit like wading through treacle!

For some, finding joy in nature gives the necessary battery recharge. For others it may be drawing strength from the relationships they have with friends and family. Or it may be on the sports field or found through creativity. Others just need to sit quietly, stilling their minds and listening to the silence. To me, all these things have an element of communing with our creator and R reminded us that for those who have faith in a loving God, our spiritual engine can be fed by prayer. Actively communicating with God on a regular basis can help to keep us topped up and in turn recharge our batteries. Life is so short. Time so precious. Battery top-up is so vital to life and yet without the fuel getting to the engine in the first place we can do nothing.

As Easter approaches and we think about death and resurrection perhaps we should take a spiritual engine check and ask ourselves: Are we switched off, running an empty tank, no longer alive to the best of who we can be? If so, perhaps it’s time to reignite our spiritual side. To be kind to ourselves and take time to do things that perhaps we have a passion for, like sewing, dancing or painting. To ring and speak to an old friend. To go for a walk and enjoy the bursting forth of spring. In making time for the things that enrich our lives we may find our internal batteries are recharged and we may find we can cope better with the everyday stresses of life.

Sometimes we live parallel lives physically, such as when we spend time on a regular basis in two or more different locations. Sometimes our parallel lives are emotional. Trying to live with sadness, grief, disappointment alongside joy, laughter and happiness. Feelings ebb and rise so perhaps contentment in our everyday lives is something to aim for. I have heard it be said that the downside of anti depressants is that emotions become muted and there are no highs or lows, resulting in a very flat feeling. A challenging part of life for most of us is handling our feelings and emotions. How do we listen to the news without being swamped by all the suffering and injustice, leaving us in high states of anxiety and depression? How do we reconcile our excitement at the joyous things in our lives, compared to the hard times friends may be going through at the same time, leaving us with feelings of guilt at our pleasure?

Then there is emotional overload. There are so many problems to solve, so many people and causes to help, so much compassion and empathy needed that we are overwhelmed with emotion and the pressure builds until we risk being burnt out. Everything looks black and life is joyless. Our vitality is diminished and we are unable to help anyone let alone ourselves.

I’m sure that is not how we were created to live and yet how do we do stop ourselves spiralling downwards in the face of so much suffering? Last week I found myself waking in a very low mood, sleeping badly with anxious thoughts and unable to shake off a feeling of doom. It was not just due to the total shock of Russia’s invasion of the Ukraine. Rather it was an overload of too much sadness and an inability to see the pinpricks of light through the darkness. Those random acts of kindness that remind you of the goodness of humanity rather than the evil perpetrated by the minority.

So how did I get back to seeing more light than dark? Often I find comfort from the Psalms in the Bible – all the emotions we face today were just the same when the psalmists lived. They describe them vividly and they refuse to be defeated. Rather they cry out to God in their distress and then they praise and thank him for his faithfulness and strength because they know through all their sufferings, he is with them.

It just so happened I went to a gathering of Christians on Sunday evening near to our boat and the first thing we did was sing. That alone lifted my mood but it was a story I heard that really impacted me and made me see life through a different prism. A man was at the bottom of a hill with a wheelbarrow and God asked him to put a brick in the barrow and take it to the top of the hill. The man did as he was told and started his ascent with relative ease. Halfway up he met a friend who, seeing the wheelbarrow, asked him to carry a brick of his up the hill. He agreed and proceeded on his way, meeting one or two more people who again asked if he could take their bricks up the hill. Being a kind man he agreed but by now the going was getting a bit tough and he was finding the wheelbarrow very hard work. He still had a way to go to reach the summit so he stopped and said to God, ” excuse me God, why did you make this journey so hard with so many bricks for me to carry?”. And God replied “I only asked you to carry one brick up the hill, you collected the rest.”

So why did that story speak so powerfully to me? I realised that so often, if I really try to follow what God wants me to do, that is manageable and I can cope. It is when I feel I should be helping everyone that I get overwhelmed. Then I am no good to God or anyone else because I lose my light. There are so many terrible things happening but we can’t be responsible for solving them all. If we believe in God, our strongest weapon is prayer. If we are christians, what help are we to those who have no faith if we are not a people of hope, joy and light? We need to bring God’s light into the darkness of this world, sharing the good news of Jesus who came to show us a path to eternity where there will be no more pain, crying or suffering.

So our parallel lives of living in our community and enjoying the blessings we have whilst being aware of all the injustices and heart aches around us continue on. It is how we respond that counts, so that we can give out as much light as possible in the places we are, so that we can all remain people of hope in a world that often appears hopeless. Random acts of kindness, thoughtfulness and loving our neighbour may be a good place to start.

Not a blog from the boat, but the next best thing as we are in a house overlooking the sea in Suffolk. It sleeps 12 and we were going to be here with various family members but gradually, for one reason or another (think covid!) the numbers have dwindled to three so we are rattling around! Yesterday P our son spent most of his waking day sat strumming his guitar, making melodies of well known Christmas songs as we, with a warm fire in the grate, relaxed and chilled out, devoid of the usual frenetic Christmas preparations. Tomorrow, with the revised covid rules and negative lateral flow tests, we may double to 6! Last year we bubbled up with our daughter in Tier 4, just the three of us. The pandemic has certainly changed for many the notion of a large Christmas family gathering. I am seriously thinking of allocating a summer date for our family ‘Christmas’ get together – at least this gives us the option of a feasible outside venue! Times change and we have to learn to adapt, to let go of our usual habits and traditions and embrace the new. Life events happen that force us to do things differently and it’s not always easy.

A pivotal time for me was having our first baby. Everything changed! To begin with the responsibility was overwhelming and I would awake in the night not sure if I was up to the task, at times resentful of my lost independence. Suddenly there was someone who totally relied upon me, who I was responsible for and my selfish nature had to adapt! I was just thankful to have a loving, supportive partner to share the load.

Christmas is an obvious time to think about babies – a baby afterall is central to the Christmas story and nativity plays wouldn’t be the same without one. It’s all very heartwarming and uplifting, as indeed are most births that we hear of. But what happens next? In the Christmas story we never dwell on what it must have been like for Mary and Joseph to raise Jesus. Imagine having to flee with a newborn, become refugees in a strange country before eventually returning home to rebuild your life and family. The responsibility of keeping Jesus safe and well, providing good food on the table to nourish him and his siblings. Coping with the ups and downs of family life that we all face, Mary and Joseph included. I doubt Mary had much time to pursue her own interests such as we like to do – maybe exercising or enjoying time with friends. How I wonder did she feel – overwhelmed at times, like many of us? The only difference for Mary was Jesus, because we know, as God’s son, he was a reflection of God’s love – kind, thoughtful, selfless, patient, infact the perfect human being. Jesus was transformative. His very nature touched anyone that he came into contact with, teaching them how to love others selflessly.

So to me, that’s the heart of the Christmas story. Emmanuel – ‘God with us’, sharing our highs and our lows. We too can be transformed by God’s love growing within us, (the ‘I’ crossed out, as my dad used tño say) actively sharing it, so that even in small ways each of us can change our bit of the world for the better. This Christmastime, whatever we are facing and whereever we are, may we experience God’s peace, joy and love in our hearts, enough to be transformative to those around us.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

Colossians 3v12

There are those of us in this world who, once they have made a decision, just want to get on with it! And there are others who have ‘the patience of a saint’ and are prepared to wait. I fear I fall into the former category. Waiting for DayDream to be repaired is very unsettling. I don’t want to start a new project or get too involved in what is going on locally because in my head I shouldn’t be here! The danger for me is that I can waste a lot of time and lose my mojo to get anything done. Saturday was a case in point. It was, admittedly, a very wet day which left me with no inclination to go outside. But worse than that it gave me no incentive to even get out of my bed! Now it could be said I needed a day of rest. I had been going it some. What with the boat moving and nipping up to Edinburgh, I had also spent a couple of days counting apples on trees in Kent. Let me just say here that it you want to test your relationship with your partner, go and count apples together on a tree. It is far more difficult than it sounds and you need to have a methodical mind and plenty of patience! It is also fairly tiring as you are on your feet all day, sometimes up a ladder, and counting apples takes intense concentration!

So perhaps a sabbath was in order and I did write a couple of letters, do a codeword and watch the Great British Bakeoff, so not all was wasted! When I eventually stirred my stumps to face the day (it was mid afternoon!) I cleared and tidied the kitchen surfaces in readiness for my DiLTB who is returning to live at our house next week and loves cooking. There is nothing more annoying as a cook not to have a clear, clean workable space!

We didn’t count on being here with three of our children in residence plus lodgers and partners. As adults we all have our own foibles so it takes effort to keep an harmonious home in order! Ones impatience is often felt by those around resulting in tension and disquiet. I’m reminded of how often I feel impatient in a supermarket – why do I always seem to get in the shortest queue that ends up taking the longest time? I am ashamed of the many occasions I have not been gracious with the checkout person due to my own desire for speed. Or the irritation I quickly feel when thinking I have got in the slowest lane in a traffic jam? What good comes from being impatient? It certainly doesn’t alter the outcome!

Have I not learnt anything about patience from living through a pandemic? Here I am wingeing on about the delay in our boat being ready and yet can we really be in control of timing anything? One positive LFT and plans fly out the window. Last Saturday an event that had incurred much planning and hard work, had to be postponed on the morning because of covid. If I could learn to be patient, to adapt my expectations and turn negative experiences into positive ones then maybe I would be less anxious and easier to live with! I have been struck by something R says when asked about his experience of boating life. He says when he is at home he wakes up and thinks ‘what tasks have I got to do today’ whereas on the boat he always wakes up and thinks ‘who am I going to meet today’. So in my impatience to get back on the boat I am trying not to worry about what actual day we will get there (even though the later it is the less likely we will be able to do our chosen route of the Kennet & Avon but perhaps that is part of God’s plan that we do another part of the network for now!) but to enjoy the freedom of having nothing in our diary for this week. To be able to get up in the morning and ask God to bless any encounters we have and to put in our path those he wants us to meet. I listened to the Sunday morning worship on radio 4. The preacher said our circumstances impact our mood, which of course can be low when life is tough. He suggested an alternative – to let the joy we have through our relationship with Jesus impact our mood so that whatever our circumstances we can be joyful because of the hope we have in knowing God is with us and for us.

My patience regarding our boating adventure seems very trivial when I compare it to the patience required when awaiting medical procedures or waiting on test results. Amazing how the brain can go off in all sorts of tangents and think only of the worse case scenario. Infact often the waiting is harder than knowing the full facts because once you know what you are dealing with you can get on and do something.

So patience – in the waiting, I will try to live in the moment, making the most of each day rather than angst about tomorrow. Trusting in God’s timing, not my own, who knows what alternative and more fulfilling opportunities may arise!

But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.

Ephesians 4:7

“For what we are about to receive may the Lord make us truly grateful. Amen”

Perhaps today is a good day to write about grace, as our time on Wind Rose comes to an end. I am sure most people of a certain age are familiar with the grace above that used to be said routinely before a meal. It came to me as I awoke today and I realised that what I have received over the last six months, I am truly grateful for. Grace doesn’t just apply to the food we are given. It affects all aspects of what we receive in life. And the amazing thing about the grace that comes, I believe, from God, is that we do nothing to earn it. We don’t even deserve it and yet it is freely given to us. God gives us his love without us asking for it and it is there for us to receive whether or not we believe in him because he believes in us and loves us all unconditionally. Whatever we may do in life that we feel may separate us from his love, His assurances in the Bible leave us in no doubt that he is a forgiving God who wants to shower us with his kindness and goodness. That does not mean our lives will be easy or pain-free but it does mean whatever we go through, God comes alongside and is with us, if we let Him in.

So grace, God’s loving kindness and forgiveness to us, can heal us, restore us and enable us to walk in joy and peace with a lightness of being. In so doing, we are then equipped to bring God’s grace to those that we meet. It seems to me that it is the human condition for all of us, at some time, to feel broken inside. The current pandemic has exacerbated this with so much grief, loneliness, heartache and fear being felt by so many. To show compassion and love to a stranger, a neighbour, a friend, a family member or a work colleague is something we can readily do if we know that we are filled with grace ourselves.

Life is not fair. That is something my dad taught me from an early age. We can see it to be true, especially at the moment with Covid affecting so many people but in totally different ways. He also told me that it’s what you do with what you have that makes a difference in life and to those that are given a lot, a lot is expected.

So I hope that this trip, which has been a rare opportunity for me and R to ‘escape the rat race’ for a time, will also be something that we never take for granted, but always give thanks for. It has been an amazing, grace-filled experience where we have enjoyed spending more time with God, with each other, with the people who have come across our path and with all our Zoom connections and telephone conversations. In addition living on the water, seeing and experiencing the changing seasons, has been challenging at times but worth the discomforts just to be so close to nature, the joy that comes from its beauty and the hope offered in new life be it blossom, cygnets, lambs or ducklings.

May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with us all, Amen.