Category: THOUGHTS

I was asked by one of our children to write an Easter message, but very last minute, so here it is, for what it’s worth!

Let me start by telling you a story of when Richard fell in the canal. Taking a shortcut he hurried along the outside of the boat forgetting the hatch halfway along where there was no edge to hold on to. PLOP! In a flash he was in the water. It was a cold day so he was wearing big heavy boots and a windproof, both of which got sodden, so though able to swim to the side he just could not get out onto the towpath. Fortunately two guys in the next-door boat rescued him. A bath and a dry change of clothes soon saw him transformed.

So I liken our boat trip to the journey of life. The boat is our carrier and we have choice as to where to go but our ultimate aim is to find our life’s purpose and our destination is to arrive with God, whoever we believe him to be. Along the way there are many twists and turns, obstacles, like low bridges, long dark tunnels, difficult locks, wind and rain, to overcome. Muddy towpaths, for you have to leave the boat to refuel and restock, have to be wearily trodden and sometimes there is a serious likelihood of slipping into the canal. I could go on with these metaphors but I have to keep this short so suffice to say our boat journey has got me thinking of the parallels in life. I was only asked to write this talk yesterday so my ideas are still half formed but I thought they might give us all something to think on further.

The main danger of the canal is to fall in the water and either catch a nasty disease or drown, very possible if you fall by the lock gates when the paddles are up and a vortex of strong flowing water can pull you down. You need rescuing fast, especially if you have no life jacket and are wearing heavy clothes hampering your ability to get yourself out. Canal water is dark and murky, full of rubbish and weeds. Not unlike ourselves. We can have dark moods, intrusive thoughts and our lives can be full of debris. We may be dealing with emotions of anger, irritability and short temperedness. Maybe our lives are a bit godless, chasing after material wealth and selfish pursuits. Our challenge, if we want to change, is how do we get out of the water and back on the boat – who can rescue us?

Jesus. That is why God sent his Son into the world. Jesus can rescue us from the murky water, cleanse and reclothe us and put us back on our boat, ready to continue our journey. But Jesus’s life also showed us that there can be a better way to live. He taught us to love God and love others before ourselves. He reassured us that if we ask to be forgiven for the wrong directions we have taken in life we can start over again, knowing our past is our past and we can have a fresh future ahead. He died on a cross for us, carrying our burdens and sins with him and then three days later he rose to life proving that death is not the end of the story. Death is nothing to be afraid of because if we believe in a God who loves us, forgives us and who accepts us just as we are, we have the hope of eternal life to spend with him.

The message of Easter is love. God’s love for us, so great that he sent his only son to lay down his life for us. We are each so precious to God, made in his own image and his love for us knows no bounds. In a year when many of us have faced huge disappointments, have felt the ground constantly shifting beneath us, challenged by loneliness, lack of purpose and fear of Covid, may our hope be in the reassurance of God’s love for each of us. May this give us fresh hope to face tomorrow and peace in our hearts today.

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.”

Luke 23 v34

Forgiveness.  A tough subject to write about because there are some things that seem too big for us to forgive and so we justify to ourselves all the reasons why we don’t have to. Even the small grievances we have against someone can be difficult to forgive and forget. The problem, as I see it, is that if we choose not to forgive, it is our wellbeing that suffers and in our inner being we are never at peace and part of our nature can become bitter, hard and resentful.

The other side of the coin is when we do something to someone else that requires them to forgive us. If we don’t receive their forgiveness it can chew us up inside and we may feel guilt, sorrow and distress.

I think it’s really necessary to wrestle with our attitude towards forgiveness  and be clear on why it is imperative for us to forgive, however hard and impossible that may seem to do. We will benefit, as will those around us because when we have no ill will in our heart for someone else and we know that we are forgiven for anything we may have done to someone else, knowingly or unwittingly, we can be at peace. There will be no dis-ease within us. I think that is why, in the Bible when Jesus is asked a direct question as to how often we should forgive a person, maybe 7 times (that’s supposed to be a generous amount) he answers ’70 x 7′. In other words, every time!

How hard is that! Sometimes,  when I am holding on to a minor grievance I may repeat the circumstances to a friend and then another and then another, just to make myself feel better in the moment.  All that does is reinforce the incident in my mind and make it bigger and harder to forget. Interestingly every time I mention it afresh I then feel guilty for doing so, as if I have been unnecessarily gossiping! Turning that around and thinking about a grievance someone may have against me, the thought that they could be repeating my misdemeanor to their friends leaves me feeling hurt and vulnerable and unwilling to show my face, with the unpleasant thought that people have been talking about me behind my back.

Of course the other issue with not forgiving past hurts is that they come with us into the future and all sorts of problems arise, especially if we think globally – a lack of forgiveness accounts for the starting of many a war. Even now we see vaccine disputes that may well develop into long held grudges if not handled carefully.

I was always struck, after my husband R’s bicycle accident, by the power of a letter offering forgiveness. R’s accident  was just that, an accident which apportioned no blame. However for the man driving the car that hit him, I heard he was locked into guilt and a sense that he was to blame or could have perhaps prevented what happened. I decided to write him a letter to explain that neither R nor myself held him in any way responsible and in turn, he met with us and said that that letter had set him free. He was able to move on and let go of any feelings of remorse.

Some situations, as we are all aware are much harder to deal with, both for the injured party and the perpetrator, of acts that have life changing consequences. Of hurts and acts committed  that are too deep and painful to forgive and forget. Perhaps some things are not meant to be forgotten but somehow managed, so that forgiveness can be worked towards and the future can be one of hope and reconciliation. Forgiveness is a journey. Sometimes in order to mean it with our heart as well as our head we have to wake up every morning and renew our pledge to forgive someone, or to believe each day that we ourselves are forgiven. Perhaps that’s why Jesus said you need to forgive 70 x 7 meaning that forgiveness is an ongoing process. And today, Good Friday, is when we remember that Jesus died on the Cross so that we might be forgiven for the things we do wrong.  Even if we do something that seems unforgivable, as long as we truly repent,  we know that God has the ultimate authority to offer us the forgiveness we need which allows us to walk eventually in freedom and joy. For us to truly forgive someone else we need to know that we ourselves are forgiven so that the power of God can channel through us to offer them the forgiveness they so much need and which we, in our own strength, may not be equipped to give. Through God all things are possible.

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

John 15 v13

It seems to me that we live in a society where we are encouraged to put our own needs first which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but perhaps we have the balance slightly out of kilter, so that we have developed a ‘me’ culture,  where ‘my needs must be met’ in order for me to be fulfilled and happy. 

For many life from an early age centres around self and personal fulfilment. Look at the media, journalistic articles  and advertising. So much of it resolves around personal happiness and what to do in order to achieve this. Almost as though it is our right to have a better life than someone else, to put our desires above those of others, to be the one who gets the top job. I try to remember, when hearing the disappointment of someone not getting the job they want, my mum’s words of encouragement that, when one door closes another opens and that that job was not meant for you; something better will come along. Easier said than done in this day and age when unemployment is rife but it still holds true that if you haven’t secured the job, someone else has, so for that person, it is a blessing.

Above the large crucifix hanging on the wall in the church I grew up in and my dad was the vicar, were the letters INRI, Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews. My dad always said that being a Christian was the ‘I’ crossed out and I never understood, as a child, what he really meant. Gradually the wisdom of his words have become apparent to me. When we  help others and put them before ourselves we stop focusing solely on our needs and in the process can find satisfaction and fulfilment.  When our daughter rang me in tears of loneliness due to lockdown I tried to encourage her to think of other friends living alone and contact them because I hoped that if she could take the focus away from herself and see how they were, it might help ease her own pain. There was not alot she could do to change her situation.  Infact I am in awe of her and others like her who have lived alone for the best part of a year and only now are the cracks starting to show. I dont think, at her age, I would have had the same equanimity and however hard it is, if you cannot change the circumstances, the only control you have is to change your attitude towards them. Thinking of the plight of others may be one way to do this. The upside of lockdown, and we really do have to try and focus on the positives, is the amazing growth in community spirit and the outpouring of love towards our neighbours. The efforts that people are prepared to go to help one another and the community projects that are springing up to help combat isolation and poverty are both inspiring and humbling. We all know the downside of lockdown, with increased loneliness, fractured relationships,  mental ill-health, poorer physical health due to delays in medical treatments and job losses or jobs demanding even more hours in the working week. It’s encouraging to see people reaching out to one another and trying to assist in whatever ways they can. Many people have, just by obeying the rules, put other people first and tried to help ease the strain on our healthcare professionals and all who work in our hospitals and medical centres. Even having the vaccine is a step towards ensuring the safety of the vulnerable in our society rather than a personal choice as to whether or not we want it. The pandemic has left so many of us bereaved of friends and family but the grief and devastation this has caused can become more bearable if we are there for one another, a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear to hear someone’s story and offer comfort, perhaps by a practical gesture, a prayer or just coming alongside.

The ‘I’ crossed out, loving others before ourselves. So easy to say and yet so hard to do. Humans, I  think, are by and large selfish. I know I am! I forever want to put my needs first, a prime example breakfast in bed bought to me by R, throughout lockdown and the winter months, when just getting up in the cold was an ordeal. Perhaps R would appreciate my getting up to prepare his breakfast and yet, do I ever think or want to do that! Even coming on this narrowboat trip was my idea, that eventually R willingly went along with (and i think has no regrets!) but it could be argued, I was selfish in my persistence. If we desire something badly enough, we can become selfish in our pursuit of it. So selflessness is something to work at, but not to the detriment of our own selfcare. We all need to place boundaries and re-energize ourselves in order to be capable of being there for others. Selflessness is not about allowing people to walk all over us or having their needs met at our expense.

It could be said that the ultimate act of selflessness was when Jesus died on the Cross. He took the wrongdoings of us all upon himself and asked God to forgive us, so that our sins can no longer separate us from the love of God. As forgiven people we can lay down any guilt we may have and live each new day in freedom, joy and thankfulness. As we look towards Good Friday it is important not to forget the really good news – that three days later Jesus rose from the dead, showing us that there is eternal life with God and once our earthly life is at an end death is just a stepping stone to a new beginning.

I will pray to the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever— the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.

John 14, 16,17

I remember a friend’s 50th birthday lunch when she passed a comment about becoming invisible due to her age. A couple of years behind her, I had never imagined such a thing, but the comment has stuck and never quite left me.

Although away from home, I have kept in contact with our church, which may not have happened if we had experienced our journey out of lockdown and been able to move more freely about the canal network and become involved in local church services. An idea in my head for a supportive group via Zoom for new parents is just taking off but I have to admit to feeling slightly put out when the group was mentioned, giving acknowledgment to the young mum I had approached to run it with me, whilst ignoring any part I had to play! Examining my feelings I came to the conclusion I was put out because I felt unappreciated and invisible.

Prue Leith, at 80, refuses to be made to feel invisible and delights in wearing bright colours, bold jewellery and funky glasses. I applaud her. She’s still a very capable woman who does not let her age, which is just a number after all, stand in her way. Why should we who are well into the second half of our lives feel we no longer have anything to offer, that youth is more attractive and exciting? As we get older we can jump out of the box, be our own person, care less what other people think of us and be comfortable in our own skin. We can draw on our experiences of life to show wisdom and discernment in many situations and rejoice in our ability just ‘to be’ rather than feel we have to be doing all the time.

If the world is going to make us invisible we can take heart from the fact that the Holy Spirit is invisible too. When Jesus returned to heaven, God promised that he would send us a helper who would always be with us only we would not be able to see him. Amazing things are accomplished by the power of the Holy Spirit at work within a person. So perhaps those of us feeling dejected at the thought of becoming invisible as we age should think of ways we can still harness our gifts so that age is unimportant and we know we still have value.

Writing a book, playing an instrument, enjoying sport, painting a picture, sewing something beautiful, cooking delicious food, the list is endless in the ways in which we can still shine, still be seen, still make a difference in the world in which we live. We do not have to settle for invisibility just because we are getting on in years. The best is yet to come ………

PS I realise there are many other people who are also made to feel invisible by the world and in doing so, often end up feeling worthless – the homeless, the disabled, the misfits, the mentally unwell, to name just a few. God created us all in his image and he made each of us uniquely and he loves what he made. So if ever you are feeling invisible take comfort from the knowledge that God loves you just as you are and to him you will always be visible and precious. 

The Lord will work out his plans for my life – for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.

Psalm 138.8

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4 v32

I Choose Kindness…
I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for that is how God has treated me. Max Lucado

Be kind to yourself and others

Zoe Symptom app: No 1 tip for improving mental health.

You may wonder why I am writing these blog asides. The only explanation I can give is that a word comes into my head and stays there until I address it and write down the flood of thoughts that often accompany it. Mulling over the word, sometimes for weeks, it seems to pop up in all sorts of contexts. and it feels like God is trying to get a message through me out into the world. Writing that and rereading it sounds a bit arrogant. I don’t mean to be. As I think I have mentioned before, I believe God wants to use anyone who is open to listening to himand acting on his words to us.

Kindness – for weeks this word is in my head, in the media, evident in those around me and those geographically distant. Such an underrated word, often passed over, almost taken for granted. Yet we all know how we feel if someone is unkind. Even yesterday, in a supermarket new to me, looking to queue, a man in no uncertain terms made me aware where the end of the line was as it looked as though I was deliberately queue jumping, which I wasn’t. I was just unaware, but the unfriendly tone in his voice upset my equilibrium and reminded me that often it’s not what we say, it’s the way that we say it.

It costs nothing to be kind and each time we do an act of kindness, as small as smiling at a stranger, we can make a difference to someone else’s day. Likewise kindness shown to us lifts the mood and lightens the spirit. It’s almost catching – you do something kind to someone who then looks to be kind to someone else and so it continues. In the Bible kindness is a fruit of the spirit and what better example do we have to follow than Jesus himself who taught us that loving our neighbour is the second most important commandment, the first being to love God above all else.

‘Love is kind’ …… what does love look like without kindness? I believe they are integral to one another. Underlying our actions should be the spirit of kindness, including being kind to ourselves, a concept overlooked by many who believe this to be selfish. If we are not in a good place, if we are sad or depressed, it is harder to motivate ourselves to show kindness to others. Again, kindness to ourselves doesn’t have to cost anything except maybe time. A walk in the park, a candlelit bath, a good book, a film, a call with a friend, a treat to eat. You’ll know what energizes you to add to the list. Small acts of kindness to ourselves leading to small and then maybe big acts of kindness to others.

I was interested to read this week on the Zoe app (Covid symptom study) that of the top 5 coping strategies for improving our mental health and well being, kindness to ourselves and others was mentioned first. Time and time again during this pandemic kindness has been mentioned. Neighbours helping one another out, NHS and other key workers going the extra mile, community projects initiated to assist those who are lonely, bereaved or experiencing poverty due to lack of work. Kindness is inate in so many people, yet it can take a crisis for us to stop taking it for granted and appreciate it as the truly wonderful gift it is. Nurturing it in ourselves and in others could change the dynamics in families, neighbourhoods and communities. If kindness were the basis of all our actions think what a different world this could be.

I realise now, looking back over the years, that kindness is probably one of the most precious gifts in friendship and if I were to be asked what is central to a longlasting, loving partnership with someone else, I would say kindness. I think I fell in love with R when one day, falling asleep on his sofa, I awoke to find he had covered me with a blanket. Such a small act and yet it showed me what deep rooted kindness he has. Every day on our trip he gets up before me and brings me my favourite breakfast in bed. Such kindness. What do I do in return? Am not sure I am nearly as kind to him as he is to me! Yet I realise when we start taking each other for granted, when we have those days when we just niggle at one another, kindness is slipping off the agenda and we need to reboot ourselves and put kindness at the top of the list of ‘things to be’.

R and I have seen so much kindness in our journey and I hope we have been kind in return. It has been frustrating not being able to share the boat as we would have liked to and my plan to offer endless cups of tea has not been practical with the fear of maybe spreading covid but one day, if we are blessed with continuing this journey, I still dream of sharing tea and homemade cake with passersby, listening to their stories and offering to pray with them or for them. Simple acts of kindness to make the world a better place.

As a PS, I realise tomorrow is Mothering Sunday and so the timing of reflecting on kindness seems very apt. The Collins English dictionary meaning of the verb ‘to mother’ is “to treat with great care and affection, as if they were a small child.” We can all at times feel like a small child, however old we may actually be, so let us give thanks for the kindness of anyone who looks out for us when the child in us is in need of mothering and may we in turn be aware of those in need of a mother’s loving touch and act upon it.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Ps 34.18

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

Ps 51.17

Brokenness – such a sad word. Sometimes we break things that just cannot be put back together and sometimes we ourselves feel so broken that we cannot ever imagine feeling whole again. Our brokenness may be the result of an action that is done to us or we may unintentionally break something precious because of what we do. We may even break something intentionally because we feel that in the longterm, that is the right decision. Sometimes brokenness is forced upon us, such as when we face a bereavement. Whatever the reason brokenness causes pain and heartache with the fallout leaving lasting damage that may never resolve. It may get buried under layers of coping strategy but deep down inside of us there may still be a hairline fracture.

One of the effects of lockdown for many is the inability to continue masking our true selves behind constant activity. When we are able to divert ourselves from thinking about painful episodes in our past we perhaps believe they are of no consequence. Lockdown has given many of us more time to think. Our hearts are laid bare and unwelcome memories float to the surface of our consciousness. We are then faced with a choice. Either we bury them again, and find new ways to keep our minds occupied, such as binging on Netflix, listening constantly to music or audio books, or we allow the difficult memories to materialise and we face them.

Acknowledging the brokenness within ourselves is a brave thing to do and a little scary. Yet it is part of our human frailty that I believe God recognised and is therefore one of the reasons Jesus came to earth to live among us, “to heal the broken hearted”. Trusting in a God who loves us when we ourselves are feeling broken and alone, vulnerable in our hurt and pain, can lead to healing and restoration of our spirits. Knowing that we can be forgiven for any wrong doing that may have caused us to hurt someone else, enables us to move forward in our lives. Jesus willingly takes our burden of brokenness upon himself so that we no longer need to carry it. He brings comfort into the darkness of our being and offers the promise of his light and love to sustain us and give us renewed hope for the future. Often he brings alongside us a person we can trust not to be judgemental, who will listen to our story and support us as we face past hurts and come to terms with them. Someone who will enable us to recognise the love that God has for each of us as his precious children, uniquely formed in his own image.

So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy because on it God rested from all his work he had done in creation.

Genesis 2.3

Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day is a Sabbath of solemn rest, a convocation. You shall do no work. It is a Sabbath to the Lord in your dwelling places.

Leviticus 23.3

If you love me you will keep my commandments

John 14. 15

Jesus said to them, “The sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath.

Mark 2.27

To me, Sabbath comes under the category of ‘self-care’ and the harder we work the more we need it. I read recently that those who work on an empty tank achieve far less than those who take regular breaks, rest and restore themselves, before continuing on with their tasks.  Not many of us perform well when exhausted – our brains feel foggy and mistakes are made. Adrenaline may help keep one going but there is a risk of burnout and poor health in the longterm.

All pretty depressing,  especially if you actually have found the time to read this, but know you are working far too hard because you have no other choice. In the long run it is not sustainable to keep pushing people too hard. Everyone has a breaking point.  It’s not just the exhausted person who suffers; its those they live with and work alongside, as tempers easily flare, or depression and anxiety set in due to the increased stress.

When God made the world he worked extremely hard for six days and then on the seventh day he rested. That pattern of work and rest is one he advocates for us all. It doesn’t mean Sunday has to be our Sabbath day. Jesus was known to heal and cast out demons on the Sabbath. But we also know, when exhausted , he took himself off into the wilderness to find peace and quiet and to recharge his batteries.

When our family were growing up I always felt I couldn’t have a Sabbath as I was so involved with church that Sunday was as busy a day as any other. I look back with slight regret that I didn’t take God’s commandment seriously.  I realise now I could have chosen any day of the week to be my Sabbath and organise things accordingly, so that, even if practically I couldn’t enjoy Sabbath for 24hrs, I could give myself a few hours to restore my spirits.  Maybe find time for silence and listening to that still small voice deep within, that could be God speaking. Enjoying the pleasure of a good book or taking myself off on a long walk. Had I observed Sabbath I think I would have had more patience and kindness within me to face the tasks of the day and be more loving to those around me.

So I think God gave us Sabbath for a reason – to have time to appreciate and give thanks for his amazing creation. To take time to think and to be, rather than feel we have to be doing all the time. I have met many people over the years who have guilt complexes about not working hard enough and feel guilty when they take time out to relax.

Being retired I have the luxury now of Sabbath which not everyone does. Perhaps the point of this post is to get us thinking about how life could be post pandemic, when the crisis is over and we are establishing a new ‘normal’. Recognising the wisdom of a Sabbath day may give a rhythm to our life that ensures we are both well rested and equipped to face the challenges of the week ahead.